with all the luck you had, why are your songs so sad?
final transformation...3...2...1.....
its been an interesting summer. hurricane beryl gave me 8 days of no power and also the hardest financial struggle this year but yet here I am. the terrors of adulthood persist. my mind is making me go crazy and i can’t stop thinking all the time of my future choices I have to make in my present state. the way people treat me and the way I treat myself. my fingers have been bleeding nonstop because I can’t stop myself from either:
a. skin picking as an anxiety issue
b. self h*rm (idk)
c. i have developed a flesh lust i cannot contain?!!? AUTO CANNIBALISM?
who’s to say but my hands hurt and i’m still playing guitar with this problem.
ANYWAYS , daze released SHE SAID ( our second summer single ) and once again was so well received. beyond what I ever thought could happen again. we had so many people reach out to do interviews and get to the core of this song. it resonates with so many listeners and I think its because I really put my sadness and heartbreak into it. the true essence of this song is the separation I go though when I meet someone who reminds me of my mother. or when I get betrayed once again (because i’m too kind) by someone who I felt was going to be a constant for me.
but they’re all versions of her. each once reminds me of her in some way and that’s why I loved them so much. and that’s why it hurts more every time because it feels like the universe is fucking with my emotions. my life lessons want me to suffer and grow a harder and harder shell. I just want to be a soft sell crab. i’m so tired of being forced to harden in this cruel world. it’s telling me “ you’re never going to get the outcome you’re looking for just the one you need to push you further into your arc.”
“So I cynically, cynically say, "The world is that way
Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise"
Here's where the story ends
Ooh, here's where the story ends”
-the sundays
the day before our show at cactus I had the most f$%!*king ridiculous news of our drummer quitting on us via insta stories, which honestly blew my mind. even I wouldn’t do something that unhinged and then have to play the next day with my ex bandmates. this is how it feels being with people who don’t communicate properly but also let’s be for real right now. name a single musician who isn’t a bad friend, insane, cheater, or all around mentally unwell. im sick of people just using me (or at least it feels like it").
then the rainbow at the end of gritting my teeth while enduring this national disaster and humanity being the bane of my existence (at that moment) was the daze cassette release cactus show. Not only did this show exceed my expectations, I felt the support of my scene there that day with me. daze was happy and it was a good last show with all of us together. now we move onto the next thing.
we have 1 last release this september. another heart strings puller. I just can’t get enough of it. it’s too cathartic. I love writing moody and sad songs and im never going to apologize for that.
because pain needs to be felt and heard and acknowledged.
“You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love”
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love”
-bjork
girlypop moment: i had to show off my new shirt and shoes. i’ve been getting dressed for fun more often and it makes me so happy. i had to wear a uniform when I was a kid till 15 so I cherish wearing outfits that make me feel cool.
“In the maw
In a world so dirty
Intoxicated
A life of tears
In the maw
A world in a daze
None can be trusted”
-chelsea wolfe
this post includes amazing lyrics from female musicians and profound moments in my life when i look back and listen to them. I am trying my hardest to try and lift myself and others up but my cup Is getting so empty lately.
BUT I am a disgusting realist who always try to salvage almost anything and spin it.
call it resilience ( that’s what my therapist say)
I call it survival.
listen
-emily haines
“its so hard to be me…poetically morose and full of arcane lore and understanding of esoteric knowledge passed on through ancestral suffering.”
-nikki mixon